Tron: Legacy is undoubtedly the most feverishly-anticipated movie of the year if you’re a boy of very specific age.

And now there’s a Tron: Legacy trailer! Exciting! But what does it show? Will it be as good as the original Tron? What’s the Daft Punk soundtrack like? Has Jeff Bridges shaved off that silly beard yet? What is a Tron, anyway?

Frankly, if you watch the Tron: Legacy trailer, you’ll end up none the wiser. It’s all flash-flash and bang-bang and you may as well be peering into a distorted kaleidoscope while nightmarish circus music plays in the background for all the good it’ll do, if we’re honest. But never fear – we’ve taken the Tron: Legacy trailer and broken it down scene by scene. You’ll find it much easier to work out what’s going on afterwards, we promise…

Without any further ado, here’s the Tron: Legacy trailer in full…

No, us neither. Not a bloody clue. Honestly, we may as well have been watching a mid-1970s Kurdish public information claymation film about the dangers of angry horses for all the information we managed to get out of it. Never feature, we’re going to decode the crap out of the Tron: Legacy trailer for you, in incredible detail. Ready?

TRON: LEGACY TRAILER SCENE 1

Here we meet our new hero. As you can see, he’s quite good at motorbikes. But don’t bother remembering that, because it almost certainly won’t be important to the plot in any way.

TRON: LEGACY TRAILER SCENE 2

Here’s a close-up reminder of the name of the film - Encom TRON Encom. Although technically we think this film is really called Encom TRON Encom: Legacy or Encom TRON Encom 2: The Legacy or Encom TRON Encom 2: Legacy – The Squeakquel. Truth be told, we just don’t know.

TRON: LEGACY TRAILER SCENE 3

Cool, it’s the Batmobile! Um, we mean the Tronmobile! Batmotron? Tratmoquad? Oh, screw this. It’s the bloody Batmobile, OK?

TRON: LEGACY TRAILER SCENE 4

This is where Tron: Legacy lays out its cards most explicitly. It’s The Matrix… BUT WITH FRISBEES! Also, depending on the gender of the genitalia we’re staring up at, this is either the sexiest or most repulsive scene from the Tron: Legacy trailer.

TRON: LEGACY TRAILER SCENE 5

Oh, great, we didn’t know that Kim Cattrall was going to be in this. Hello, Kim! We loved you in Honeymoon Academy! Nice glass penis!

TRON: LEGACY TRAILER SCENE 6

Holy crap, it’s OSCAR WINNING ACTOR JEFF BRIDGES! And he’s still got his Crazy Heart beard, too! Maybe at some point in Tron: Legacy he’ll sing a downhome country and western song about the Sapphire HD5850 1GB GDDR5 Graphics Card or something. Fun!

TRON: LEGACY TRAILER SCENE 7

Oh wait, it looks like the motorbike scene from earlier in the trailer was important after all. We sure didn’t see that coming. Also, there’s speculation that one of the riders in this scene is actually The Stig from Top Gear. We hope that’s true, because that would increase the likelihood of Tron: Legacy containing a scene where someone throws a red tortoise shell at Jeremy Clarkson and he explodes. Fingers crossed!

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Longtime Fox drama 24 has been cancelled!!!

Most likely cancelled, that is.

The studio is remaining mum, but insiders believe the network will be making the announcement of the cancellation any day now!

Although 24 has always been a huge success for Fox in the past, the ratings for the show’s current season (number 8!) have been tumbling down into obscurity quicker than ever.

Sad!

But cheer up Jack Bauer-philes – a 24 feature film is in the works!

Reports say the script has Kiefer Sutherland’s character traveling to Europe in the film.

We only hope he brings Chloe along with him!!!

[Image via WENN.]

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“Mother-daughter stripper pole” is a phrase you don’t hear often for a reason. Gwyneth Paltrow spends time with another male musician. Howard Stern makes fun of Gabourey Sidibe. Vigilante sorority closes in on Roethlisberger. Wednesday gossip crosses the line. More »

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The Columbian cutie looked lovely as she filmed scenes for her hit show “Modern Family,” sporting a green dress and a half-up hairdo.

Also on the set was Sofia’s on-screen husband Ed O’Neill, looking festive in a Hawaiian shirt and sunglasses.

Julie Bowen and Ty Burrell also shot a few scenes, as did Eric Stonestreet, Rico Rodriguez and Sarah Hyland.

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9 - Bye bye (most of) Hollyoaks – WatchWithMothers

8 - Want to get paid to be the lowest rung of the Pocket TV food chain? Here’s Not Simon Amstell with details – YouTube

7 - THIS DINOSAUR WILL EAT YOU! – Geekologie

6 - Literally everything you could ever wish to know about the Oscars. Literally – BestWeekEver

5 – OLD UNICORN LADY! NO, REALLY! – Asylum

4 – Simon Cowell continues to make an unusually large fuss about his girlfriend in public – Popsugar

3  – Kate Nash’s fringe - MyChemicalToilet

2 - Ha ha, people who go online dating are funny – Uncoached

1 - The trololo video. BUT WHERE’S THE TROLOLO?

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Lindsay Lohan’s career is on the wane – the films have dried up, the music’s gone AWOL and the fashion is hopeless.

What can she do for money? Simple, the same thing you’d do if you found your employment prospects compromised by bad personal and professional decisions – she’s suing an online share-trading firm for allegedly stealing her identity in an advert about a talking baby called Lindsay who’s a ‘milkaholic’.

For claiming that a drunk baby stole her identity, you might assume that Lindsay Lohan has lost her marbles – but hear her out. After all, it’s not as if she’s suing E-Trade for a hopelessly inflated, Dr Evil-style sum of money that would instantly make you question her basic relationship with reality, is it? What? She’s suing E-Trade for $100 million? Okaaaay.

It must be so awesome being Lindsay Lohan. Sure, it’s dried up professionally for her a bit, and she still seems like a bit of a mess, but think of all the things she can do. She gets to go to all the coolest parties. Her voice is so deep and gravelly that she can legitimately phone restaurants and book tables under the pretence that she’s either Morgan Freeman or the dead mother from Psycho. And she gets to believe that every single thing that happens on the face of the planet is somehow related to her.

Like the E-Trade advertising campaign, for instance. If you’ve never seen an E-Trade commercial, you’re basically missing out on a short video of a talking baby. It’s not funny, it’s not clever, but it has stolen Lindsay Lohan’s identity wholesale. At least according to Lindsay Lohan, it has. One recent E-Trade advert featured a talking baby called Lindsay who was described as e a ‘milkaholic’. Look, here it is…

And Lindsay Lohan’s understandable reaction to that was… well, let’s let EW take over:

The Mean Girls star claims that one of the online brokerage’s recent TV ads featuring a ditzy, “milkaholic” baby girl named Lindsay is modeled after her and improperly invoked her “likeness, name, characterization, and personality” without permission, violating her right to privacy. Lohan is suing for $50 million in compensatory damages and an additional $50 million in exemplary damages.

Now, look. We’re not lawyers or anything, and we’d rather not get involved in any of this, but let’s try and smooth things out by breaking down Lindsay Lohan’s claims to see how well they stand up.

Likeness – Hard to argue, surely. If the baby really was modelled on Lindsay Lohan, then it wouldn’t really look like a baby – it’d look like a structurally-compromised Terrahawk puppet, have the voice of Dr Claw from Inspector Gadget, chainsmoke and often forget to wear knickers in public. But it didn’t. It looked like a baby.

Name – True, the baby was called Lindsay. But Lindsay Lohan isn’t the only Lindsay or Lindsey on the planet. Surely if Lindsay Lohan can win $100 million from this then Lindsey Buckingham, Lindsey Shaw, Robert Lindsay, the entire town of Lindsay, Nebraska and the Lindsey Hopkins Technical Centre in Santa Clara, California deserve something as well.

Characterisation and personality – Here’s where we think Lindsay Lohan’s claim really falls down. For starters, the Lindsay in the advert was a milkaholic – but Lindsay Lohan isn’t addicted to milkahol, she’s addicted to alcohol. That’s a big difference. Also, you can more or less understand what the E-Trade Lindsay is trying to say, which nobody has really been able to do with Lindsay Lohan since about 2004. Finally, at no point during the commercial did E-Trade Lindsay attempt to sue an embryo called Lindsay for $100 million just because it had the same name as her.

But, hey, what do we know?

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If Jamiroquai were still making music, they’d have released this song!

Baby I’m Yours by Breakbot – featuring Irfane – is a soulful vintage-sounding romp, similar to the vibe Mayer Hawthorne is going for.

It’s fun, funky and you can dance to it!

Enjoy Breakbot’s lovely Baby I’m Yours (below).

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